Abduction of the strangest kind

First things first: happy 22nd birthday to my lovely big little brother John! Man, that makes me feel old!

Second, can anyone explain this to me...

My house is full of lighters. They are all over the place. They may even be breeding. Neither me nor Matt have bought a lighter in about three years, yet they appear in my house like stealth ninjas at a sneaking conference.

On the flip side, where have all my teaspoons and socks gone? I had about 20 teaspoons and now I only have 3. I also have an entire bag of odd socks that once had partners, but now are lonely. One thing you should know about me is that I can't wear odd socks. It freaks me out and makes me feel uneasy. Don't ask for an explanation. Anyhoo, this bag of little lost socks are pointless and wish to know where their friends have gone. Were they abducted by the teaspoons? Maybe the lighters are working with the teaspoons in an evil plot. Whilst the new lighter creates a diversion, the teaspoon sneaks out of the front door taking with it as many odd socks as it can. Or maybe the socks are to blame. Hhhmmmmm..... confusing.