Things that are true but that I am not proud of:

1) I like it when there are girls in the gym who are fatter than me
2) I really quite enjoy slamming things around
3) I keep a packet of crisps on my bedside table - just in case!
4) I think some old ladies look really cool

Spectacular

Is it just me, or are there just not that many chavs with glasses out there?

Save it up for Sunday

I have two cats: one you can't shut up and one who hardly ever makes a sound. Rascal, the quiet one, probably miaows about three times a week. Even then, it's only to tell you that she is wasting away (the quiet one is also the fat one!). However, recently she has given up miaowing on week days. Instead, she has a crazy 10 minutes long miaowing session on a Sunday morning. She likes to do it nice and early so as she can interrupt my lie in as much as possible. She's thoughtful like that! I'm wondering if maybe it's something religious. Sunday morning prayers, or whatever the cat equivalent might be. Possibly she's just saying her Hail Miaowys. It's always the quiet ones you've got to watch!

Even Westwood....

....is more gangster than me! Seriously. These are things that have excited me this week:

• Seeing the first snowdrops and crocuses of the year


• Seeing a heron on a chimney pot


• A horse trotting past whilst I was teaching netball

Between you and me, I'm a little scared I'm going soft. Anyway, here's a nice picture of some flowers for you. I'm off now as I feel an irresistible urge to skip....

My Body's too Bootylicious!

Ok, so that's a lie. I've just got back from my street dancing class. It was easier than last week but I was still useless!

I think the problem is that I'm just not gangster enough. You wan't proof? I'm eating tofu and hummus as I type. Word. Word to your mother. Ahem.

There was a girl there who didn't go last week. She was really thin and just picked it up straight away. She even looked good doing it. How dare she?! I, on the other hand, looked like a spider trying to ice skate while blindfolded! I guess some have it and some just don't.

Anyhoo, I have downloaded the track that we have been dancing to so that I can practice at home. Realistically, that probably won't happen but I feel proud of myself for even having the intention. Also, I have booked in and paid for next week already so that I have to go. Otherwise, I'll feel like I've wasted my money. Hmmm, or I might just go to the pub so that my money won't be the only thing that gets wasted!

Peace out mo fos x

P.S. In one of my lessons this week there was a girl who was so scared of balloons that I had to let her papier mache a football instead!

G-Unit

Holler! I went street dancing this week, which makes me legally entitled to use words like that. So there! It was pretty fun, actually. I was laughably crap at it, as I have no coordination and seem to have sequencing issues. I will probably keep going though and see if I get any better. I'm hoping for a miracle!

Matt is away this weekend with his paintball team at a tournament so I've had the girls round to stay. I have done so much eating, talking and laughing that my stomach muscles hurt. Who needs the gym?!?

I've had a pretty funny week at school. One 10 year old boy told me that a girl he knew got so drunk she slept with someone she didn't even know and another kid told me that heroin is popular. Oh, good. So, the education system isn't completely failing. They seem to have learnt some things!

I'm off to bust some moves on the kitchen lino! Don't you be dissin' me!

What can I say?

This week, I will mainly be special in the head!

News Flash

Have you heard about the new disease you can get from kissing birds? It's called chirpes.

The saddest thing is that it's untweetable.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

I ordered a decaf soya latte in Costa and the mean coffee making lady laughed at me.

On the bright side, I saw a man with a pet fox in the paper today. I have made a life changing discovery; I want a pet fox! A part of me really wants to call it Foo Foo.