This week I have mainly been obsessed with...

Miss sis

2007-08-04T11:21:00.000Z

Obviously, there are many things I miss about living with my sister: her cooking and marvellous company to name just six. One thing that I miss particularly, however, is editing her shopping list so that by the time she gets to the supermarket she has no idea what she's supposed to be buying. Recently, we went on a girly weekend to Wales and she wrote a shopping list for us to take to Tesco. I had the chance to sneakily edit it, reminding me of all the fun I use to have. My favourite edit to date was changing 'broccoli' to 'Colin Firth'. Sadly, we did not find him in Tesco Llandudno. The search continues ...

Why, Flying Spaghetti Monster? Why?

2007-07-28T14:48:00.001Z

Why have I got a spot on my little finger?

Why did the shop, despite being dead all morning, fill up as soon as I sat down to eat my lovely hot soupy lunch?

Why have you not tried this before?

Why do birds suddenly appearevery time you shout 'ninja' and punch me in the face?

I found god...

2007-07-28T01:45:00.000Z

...he was pasta all along.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flying+spaghetti+monster&i=1

He touched me with His Noodly Appendage. It was not good.

Is it bad....

2007-07-26T14:55:00.000Z

....that this paragraph of 'The Machine Gunners' really made me laugh?

Chas cheered up. Two whole slices of fried bread and a roll of pale pink sausage meat. It tasted queer. But he was starting to like the queerness.

How will I keep a straight face when I read it to my new class? Let's just hope there's no talk of semis.

Sleep blame

2007-07-21T17:08:00.000Z

Mary sleep blamed me today. I never thought it would happen. I feel betrayed.

She fell asleep on the armchair after lunch. Whilst asleep, she said in a loud voice,

"Catherine did it." Cheers.

He he x

3 is a magic number

2007-07-19T08:17:00.000Z

3 stupid things I have done in the last fortnight:
-Went to a school play on the wrong day
-Put Persil in the dishwasher
-Broke the mop by mopping too hard

3 things that are currently annoying me:
-Victoria Beckham's overuse of the word 'major'
-Rain, rain, rain and more rain
-Lack of Diagnosis Murder in the afternoons

Number of school plays I have seen in the past fortnight: 3
The year group I will be teaching in September: 3
Glasses of Pimms I will drink tonight: 3

Three ya later x

Cakey cakey cake cake

2007-07-02T20:11:00.000Z

This week I have been mainly obsessed with cake. In particular, one I made at the weekend. It was so pretty. I am sad it has all gone. So sad I may have to make another one.

The coffee cake was made from:

6oz self raising flour
Half a teaspoon of baking powder
Half a teaspoon of salt
5oz caster sugar
4oz margarine
Egg replacer made up to the equivalent of 2 eggs)
1 tablespoon instant coffee dissolved in 3 tablespoons of soya milk
2oz crushed walnuts

Mix all the ingredients together and bake for 30 mins in a greased cake tin at gas mark 7.

I actually made two cakes of this size and sandwiched them together. I also made twice this chocolate mocha icing:

1 and a half cups of icing sugar
A third of a cup of cocoa
A quarter of a cup of margarine
Half a teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 teaspoon of instant coffee
2 or 3 tablespoons of soya milk
I know it's strange it being in different measures but it is because the recipes are from different places!

Yum. Make it now and post it to me. Do it.

Tripping heck

2007-06-27T18:30:00.000Z

Hey doooods,

I took a school trip today. It was quite amusant. The things that the kids got most excited about were; the clock on the bus; the tv on the bus and the bus seat arm rests.

The trip, however, was not as funny as my dance class tonight. I was the most rubbish I have ever been! We started a new routine and it's based on Lindyhop moves. Damn that Lindyhopping. It has defeated me once again!

I do not not not like being defeated! *sound of hooves stomping*

P.S. I woke up with "Grandma's key" written all over my neck yesterday. Just another normal day.

Grandma's key

2007-06-25T21:30:00.000Z

Ni hao!

The Giant African Landsnails are even more exciting than expected. Last week I cleaned out the tank and put some new moss in for them. They all went crazy and hung upside down from the lid. I spoke to the guy who lent them to us and he said they were being stroppy because they were cross with me. I took a firm 'like it or lump it' attitude with them and it turned out that they actually liked the moss. In fact, they liked it so much that they had a very busy weekend laying lots of eggs. There was me thinking that the science lesson on snail mating was a wasted hour!

I know it's a little evil, but I also enjoy how much the snails freak some people out. It makes me chuckle to myself when people get the heebie jeebies over them. Ok, so it's a lot evil. Frigging funny though.

10 more sleeps until I'm done x

P.S. I read an article in the paper at the weekned about a family who bought a zoo. It made me want a zoo.

From Clementines to Mandarin

2007-06-12T20:57:00.000Z

Hiya,

Sorry I haven't written in ages. I'm such a spoon. Lots of stuff is going on at the mo. I am 17 working days off being a qualified teacher and loving my current placement. Our topic this half term is minibeasts, which means we can spend loads of time outside looking under rocks and pretending to be butterflies. It also means I get to have some giant African landsnails in my classroom. It is so so so exciting!

I am trying to teach the kids to do the register in Mandarin Chinese but I'm really stuck. I have got as far as teaching them 'hello' but I can't find an accurate translation for 'sandwiches please' or 'hot dinner please'. Can any one help? I really hope so.

Love and ladybirds xxx

I got the freaking job.

2007-05-24T22:26:00.000Z

Yes I did. School phoned at 10.45 tonight. I start my first teaching job in September. Hip hip hopraaaaaaay. The interview was scary and there was a board of 8 people facing me and questioning me. I can't seem to stop jumping up and down. How the be-jesus will I sleep tonight?

Hot hot hot

2007-05-03T17:05:00.000Z

Conscience smoncience, global warming rocks!

Roll on Summer holidays and crispy brown skin!

Maths + Year 1 = yuk

2007-05-02T21:19:00.000Z

Me: Which number is 10 more than 13?
6 year old: 14
Me: That's 1 more than 13. What yould 10 more than 13 be?
6 year old: 12

Give me back my Year 6 class!

Everybody's going to love today

2007-04-25T12:23:00.000Z

Last night I came skipping up the stairs singing Mika's 'Love Today', which Matt hates. He pulled a face.

"Go on, admit you love me," I said.
"Yes, for some strage reason," he replied
"How rude. I think you'll find you love me for lots of strange reasons!"

On the war path!

2007-04-20T15:07:00.000Z

I went to a really interesting meeting at the Gregson Centre. There are plans for a huge new development in Lancaster which we don't need and most of the residents don't want. Lancaster is a beautiful historic city with gorgeous buildings and a market tradition. The best thing about Lancaster is how unique it is. There are loads of little independent shops and cute little streets. Now, Centros Miller want to build a huge shopping centre that will look the same as all the other ugly 'malls' that they are putting up in other towns and cities. All this so they can stick a huge Debenhams here! There are quite a few empty shops already in Lancaster that could be easily used without knocking things down and building a whole new complex.

Worse still, Centros Miller are planning on only submitting hybrid plans, meaning they can still change some things without warning after planning permission has been given. Planning permission has not yet been given. So, if you think that it is a shame to knock down lovely historic buildings, increase traffic in the area and risk having a concrete monstrosity ruin lovely Lancaster, please have a look here to see how you can help and to find out more info.

Frozen Bagel Finger

2007-04-19T07:48:00.000Z

It's a sad day today. It's the anniversary of the day I drunkenly sliced into my finger whilst trying to cut a frozen bagel. I still have a big scar on my finger and no feeling in part of it.

In happier news, that means I've now not smoked for 1 year and 5 months. Hoooray. Hence, I'm quite looking forward to the smoking ban. It should also mean that I have more money, however, I'm still waiting for my student loan to come through so I'm poorer than the flea that lives on the church mouse's bedding. To make matters worse, I'm not drunk. Maybe I could sell my share of 'the brain' to fund a night on the town. Any takers?

Dragon ahoy!

2007-04-17T09:43:00.000Z

I'm in week three of my four weeks of holiday and I am love love loving it! It's so sunny. I just wish I didn't have so much work to do.

I've been doing all kinds of exciting things. Last week I went out with my sister and her two lovely kiddies. I joke about spending time with them saving me saying my Hail Marys, but I had an ace time. Our hot topics of conversation were whose hands look older, whose knuckles are fatter and the price of dishwasher tablets, yet I still had lots of fun!

I tried dragon fruit yesterday. The texture was a bit like kiwi fruit but it didn't really taste of much. It was kind of what I imagine your puke would taste like if you'd eaten nothing but melon and kiwi fruits for a year. I don't think I'd buy one again as, at £1.99 a pop, I'd rather have some kettle chips.

Long time no see

2007-04-07T16:56:00.000Z

Lose weight or get your miaowy back!

2007-04-05T14:06:00.000Z

I asked for snow

2007-03-28T21:05:00.000Z

So, I asked for snow. I got it. I was driving home from my Mum's house the Sunday before last and had to drive through asnow blizzard. It was really hard because I just wanted to look at the snow but I had to concentrate on the road. Driving sucks.

However, Matt and I got the train to Manchester on Saturday. It was nice. We went round town and to the imax to see 300. The screen was much bigger than my arse, and that's saying something. After going for a yummy Chinese, we set off home on the train. Three trains, a bus and an hour later we arrived home grumpy and cold. Public transport sucks. More than driving. Definitely more than driving. Also, the train tickets cost us £24 and not one person checked them the entire time! Ho hum.

I have been reading 'The Naked Jape' by Jimmy Carr the last few weeks. It's sooo funny! I have had many embarrasing laughing out loud in public moments and told far too many jokes. Hey, what the hell. Here's one more:

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony!

Bring on the snow

2007-03-17T23:31:00.000Z

Happy (very late) birthday to the lovely Mary! We had an ace time last weekend with plenty of eating and laughing, as always. You'll be surprised to hear that we had a tapas night. You'll be even more surprised that we're having a tapas meal for Mothers' Day. Ok, so you're probably not surprised. You could at least pretend though.

About this time last year, I was doing some work experience in a fab little school nearby. I loved it there. They had a school cat. Could it have been any more perfect? This week I found out that my final 8 week placement is going to be at that same school. Yipee! I'm also going to visit some other schools this week that I'm applying for jobs at. It's scary stuff!

At the moment I'm mainly obsessed with hot chocolate, tapas food and dancing. I'm still doing street dancing. I thought I was getting better, but then we started a new routine and it got twelvety-eight times harder! Oh goody.

It had better snow this week or there's going to be some serious hoof stomping ahead!

Toodles x

Just say no

2007-02-28T13:00:00.000Z

Horses shouldn't use the cross trainer. Fact.

Hoorah!

2007-02-27T21:31:00.000Z

The daffodils are out. Daffodils are happy flowers. If the daffodils are happy, I'm happy.

Mmmmmmmmm, olives.......

2007-02-18T22:55:00.000Z

We had a tapas night at Mary's with Sarah and Jen. However, what happens on tapas night stays on tapas night. The photos pretty much speak for themselves though!

This week I have mainly been very over-excited!

2007-02-15T22:24:00.000Z

Penguins chewed my coat, a giraffe licked me, I hand fed some wallabies and I stroked some lemurs! Does half term get any better?

You don't think so? Well it did! I have had such an ace week! We went to South Lakes Wild Animal Park near Barrow-in-Furness on Tuesday. It has earned a place in my list of top 3 favourite zoos. There were also meerkats, otters, tapirs, cheetahs, baboons, bats, monkeys, hippos, lions, tigers and bears, oh my. The only way it could have got higher on the list was by having a capybara or some guinea pigs.

The lemurs run wild in the zoo. I want a pet lemur! Or a zoo.

We got completely lost on the way there and ended up doing a 40 mile detour. If a man ever tells you that his sense of direction is amazing, bear in mind he may be exaggerating. I let Matt drive home and I navigated! However, he redeemed himself by being the best boyfriend in the world in every other possible way! He wanted an iPod shuffle like mine for Valentine's Day. We got to the shop to find that they have just started selling pink ones. I got the new pink one and he got the silver one. He rocks! I love him more than lemurs. Even more than meerkats.

Rocking!

2007-02-11T17:49:00.000Z

Last Saturday I went out with the girls. It got so raucus that I had to take my cardigan off. Woah!

I was disappointed by the lack of snow here this week. We had a few flakes but nothing stuck. My friend Jenny, who is a teacher, got time off school because the snow was so bed. Booooo!

I have been longing after a guitar that I pass every day in the music shop in town. It is pink and has a horse on it. It's only a half size guitar, so it is perfect for me and my tiny carni hands. Well, guess what? Matt bought it for me for an early Valentine's present. He rocks! It rocks! I learnt at primary school but have forgotten it all since then. I've relearnt 6 chords so far and once I've learnt a few more I'll get some lessons. It's so pretty!

Put your hands up in the air

2007-02-01T20:31:00.000Z

Hands up: who fell flat on their face in street dancing class last night? Just me? Dammit. I'm not getting any better at dancing but at least now I mostly remember what I should be doing! I have a blue knee thanks to the aforementioned spectacular floor dive. Boooo!

I went to the Lake District today to do the safety checks for the school trip I'm taking up there. Hannah (my teaching partner) and I got totally lost and just spent most of the morning driving around trying to find the place we were meant to be going to. They really shouldn't let two blondes be in charge of a vehicle! Also, there was a really loud roaring noise at one noise at one point and I was pretty sure we were going to die in a terrible Lost style incident. It was a plane!

Oh dear!

Things that are true but that I am not proud of:

2007-01-30T20:22:00.000Z

1) I like it when there are girls in the gym who are fatter than me
2) I really quite enjoy slamming things around
3) I keep a packet of crisps on my bedside table - just in case!
4) I think some old ladies look really cool

Spectacular

2007-01-28T20:44:00.000Z

Is it just me, or are there just not that many chavs with glasses out there?

Save it up for Sunday

2007-01-28T12:10:00.000Z

I have two cats: one you can't shut up and one who hardly ever makes a sound. Rascal, the quiet one, probably miaows about three times a week. Even then, it's only to tell you that she is wasting away (the quiet one is also the fat one!). However, recently she has given up miaowing on week days. Instead, she has a crazy 10 minutes long miaowing session on a Sunday morning. She likes to do it nice and early so as she can interrupt my lie in as much as possible. She's thoughtful like that! I'm wondering if maybe it's something religious. Sunday morning prayers, or whatever the cat equivalent might be. Possibly she's just saying her Hail Miaowys. It's always the quiet ones you've got to watch!

Even Westwood....

2007-01-26T17:43:00.000Z

....is more gangster than me! Seriously. These are things that have excited me this week:

Seeing the first snowdrops and crocuses of the year

Seeing a heron on a chimney pot

A horse trotting past whilst I was teaching netball

Between you and me, I'm a little scared I'm going soft. Anyway, here's a nice picture of some flowers for you. I'm off now as I feel an irresistible urge to skip....

My Body's too Bootylicious!

2007-01-24T21:15:00.000Z

Ok, so that's a lie. I've just got back from my street dancing class. It was easier than last week but I was still useless!

I think the problem is that I'm just not gangster enough. You wan't proof? I'm eating tofu and hummus as I type. Word. Word to your mother. Ahem.

There was a girl there who didn't go last week. She was really thin and just picked it up straight away. She even looked good doing it. How dare she?! I, on the other hand, looked like a spider trying to ice skate while blindfolded! I guess some have it and some just don't.

Anyhoo, I have downloaded the track that we have been dancing to so that I can practice at home. Realistically, that probably won't happen but I feel proud of myself for even having the intention. Also, I have booked in and paid for next week already so that I have to go. Otherwise, I'll feel like I've wasted my money. Hmmm, or I might just go to the pub so that my money won't be the only thing that gets wasted!

Peace out mo fos x

P.S. In one of my lessons this week there was a girl who was so scared of balloons that I had to let her papier mache a football instead!

G-Unit

2007-01-21T16:17:00.000Z

Holler! I went street dancing this week, which makes me legally entitled to use words like that. So there! It was pretty fun, actually. I was laughably crap at it, as I have no coordination and seem to have sequencing issues. I will probably keep going though and see if I get any better. I'm hoping for a miracle!

Matt is away this weekend with his paintball team at a tournament so I've had the girls round to stay. I have done so much eating, talking and laughing that my stomach muscles hurt. Who needs the gym?!?

I've had a pretty funny week at school. One 10 year old boy told me that a girl he knew got so drunk she slept with someone she didn't even know and another kid told me that heroin is popular. Oh, good. So, the education system isn't completely failing. They seem to have learnt some things!

I'm off to bust some moves on the kitchen lino! Don't you be dissin' me!

What can I say?

2007-01-18T19:22:00.000Z

This week, I will mainly be special in the head!

News Flash

2007-01-12T14:28:00.000Z

Have you heard about the new disease you can get from kissing birds? It's called chirpes.

The saddest thing is that it's untweetable.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

2007-01-04T01:03:00.000Z

I ordered a decaf soya latte in Costa and the mean coffee making lady laughed at me.

On the bright side, I saw a man with a pet fox in the paper today. I have made a life changing discovery; I want a pet fox! A part of me really wants to call it Foo Foo.

Oh, Happy Days!

2006-11-19T19:11:00.000Z

Happy belated birthday to the lovely Matthew! Had an ace night out for it on Friday with lots and lots of friends. As you will find out if you click here!

Also, Happy Anniversary to Jenny and Alby!

Other things to be happy about: I passed my first school placement. Hurray! Alos, something really funny happened this week. I woke Matt up to say goodbye to him on Friday morning and he said to me, "Will you show Steven where the cutlery is?". If I'd have known who Steven was, I'd have been glad to! Unfortunatley, Steven is the new guy at Matt's work and he doesn't live at our house. Ha ha!

Finally, Happy (only six days left until my) Birthday to me!

xxx

It's all in the name, or is it?

2006-11-16T00:07:00.000Z

Dear Ruxton's,

You may have changed your name to 'The Square' and put up a sign saying 'friendly atmosphere', but you're fooling no one. You may not be named after the local murderer anymore but you're still the roughest pub in town.

Yours fearfully,

Me x

Bonfire Night

2006-11-11T08:31:00.000Z

Sorry! I have been mega busy and this is the first chance I have had to blog. I'm on school placement at the mo, which is hectic and tiring, but fun! Had an ace time last weekend. Helen and Jo came up from Liverpool for our usual Bonfire Night tradition of fireworks up at the castle. They were awesome as usual! We were watching them from right in front of the priory and they were all right behind the tower of the building, so it looked wicked. Anyhoo, I got some good pics and vids if you want to check them out. It was great to see Helen and Jo too. We had lots of fun and food. Yummers!

I love horses

2006-10-30T09:54:00.000Z

Natalie Dee says: 'If you don't know the horse girl, you are the horse girl.' I'm ok with that.

The good, the bad and the snuggly

2006-10-28T16:57:00.000Z

Bad things that happened last night:

A bad man said he knew me from somewhere and that he recognised me because I have a bog eye (which I do not!)
I lost Matt on the way home (it's ok though, I found him again!)
I got a Black Russian but the daft barman had put Sambuca in it! Euh!

I accidentally stayed out until 5am again!

Good things that happened last night:

Matt scared the bad man away by telling him he was a police man (which he is not!)

Someone offered me a glass of Crystal (darling!) and I accepted

Someone offered me a shot of Sambuca and I said no. That's growth!
I got lots of good photos

I accidentally stayed out until 5am again!

Oranges and Lemon Catherines

2006-10-27T13:38:00.000Z

My clementine obsession is back. This time last year I was eating about five of them a day and worrying my skin may turn orange. I noticed that nets of clementines were on offer in t'ASDA so I couldn't resist. As a result, I'm back to eating obsessively. Dammit! I'm like a clementinaholic: once I've had one, I just can't stop myself. Ah well, at least I smell orangey fresh!

Got to go: can't peel and type at the same time x

Investimagation

2006-10-26T11:19:00.000Z

I'm writing a assignment about science investigations in the primary school at the moment. I'm having huge trouble though, as every time I go to write the word 'investigate' I want to type the word 'investimigate'. I don't know why! It's not just that word though: there are others that I feel the need to add letters to. For example:

Congratumalations

Instimigate

Sophistimicated

Max, fetch me my sedative!

2006-10-25T20:19:00.000Z

This year there are going to be Christmas trees suspended from the front of every building on our street. This week, they came to measure up and fix the tree holders to the walls. I'm getting definite feelings of grinchyness!Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. I get more excited than the average kid. However, as usual, it has arrived far too early. It's still two months away! It never really feels like Christmas is on it's way until my birthday has been and gone, and that's not until the 24th of November (and don't you forget it!). Most of the shops in town have their Christmas stock in store and some of them already have their Christmas CDs on loop. Blast this Christmas music: it's both joyful AND triumphant!

A Fun Day Out

2006-10-21T10:14:00.000Z

It's been another hectic weekend! It's been fun though. On Friday evening I went to my boyfriend's Dad's girlfriend's son's gig. Confused? Me too! To save on time I could have said that that it was my brother in law, however, as neither Matt and I, nor Shane (Matt's Dad) and Janet are married, that would have been untrue. I don't want to lie to you. Where would we be then, blogfans? If we don't have the truth, we have nothing. Ahem [wiping tear from face], anyway.....

The gig was really good. Toby and his band, 'Fun Day Out', have only been together a couple of months but were ace. I took plenty of photos, and even a video. The gig was mainly full of fifteen year old emos and I was designated driver so I couldn't even make vodka take the pain and shame of old age away! However, Matt and Luke drank enough to compensate for my sobriety and managed to act like the youngest there. Quite an achievement! My favourite memory of the evening is Matt doing the Macarena (wrongly!) with about ten 15 year old girls! It was a special moment.

Once we got back to Lancaster, we went out to the Lounge with Sanam, Chris and Rumana. I have learnt an important lesson....playing catch up is not wise. Why is it that every time you try and make up for the fact that everyone else has been drinking for 4 hours already, you end up more drunk than anyone else? Silly, silly me! We had an ace night though. I love living in town centre and being able to walk (ok, ok, stagger) home whenever I like. Lancaster rocks!

You Betcha!

2006-10-17T16:41:00.000Z

We shall call him Pervy Pete. Some of you will know who he is. Some will not. That is neither here nor there. The point is, Pervy Pete creeps me out.

Stop winking and making inappropriate comments to your students you dirty old man!

Big ear holes scare me

2006-10-16T13:33:00.000Z

They do. They scare the be-Jeezus out of me. Do I need to see through your ear? Ich don't think so! Do Iwant to see though your ear? God, no!

For any of you that have not had the joy of seeing big ear holes first hand, let me expalin. They are called ear plugs (not the kind you wear when you don't want to listen to screaming kids on the plane) and seem to be very popular with emos at the moment. You get them in increasing sizes so you can stretch you ear piercing hole from small to gigantasaurus size. I don't know why. The most creepy ones are the 'tunnel' type, like in the picture. Not only do they make massive holes but they let the whole world see through the massive hole. Yummers! They give me the heebie jeebies!

I have no hair!

2006-10-14T13:09:00.000Z

Ok, so that's a slight exaggeration. I have a lot less hair than I had this time yesterday though! I went to Claire Bear's last night and she cut it all off into a bob for me. I love it! I was well brave because it is a LOT shorter than it was. I hate getting the fear when you get your hair cut and can see big chunks of it falling onto your lap. I don't get that when Claire does my hair though. She always does a dead good job of it. She rules!

I had a dead random night last night. We got back from Claire's at about midnight and decided to go for 'just one' in The Borough last night and ended up staying in The Lounge until 5am with McKenna and co. Whoops! I'm still a little bit drunk now! Ok, a lot drunk. Ha ha! Daytime drunkness is fun. It's made funnier by the fact that I always bump into a million people that I know (again, slight exaggeration, but it makes story telling soo much more fun) in town. Only one of them told me I smelt of alcohol though! The others must have been too polite!

In other news, I have head freeze from my smoothie. Booooooooo!

p.s. Appologies to Jenny for texting her at 3.25am. That wasn't clever!

Funny things that happened at school this week...

2006-10-13T15:54:00.000Z

1) The kids were doing leaflets on the dangers of smoking. One Yr 5 child (9/10 years old) asked, "Can we draw spliffs?". Erm, that'd be a no!

2) The same class were doing a hotseat/role play activity where one girl was pretending to be a survivor of the Titanic. She was asked where she was when they hit the iceberg. She said she was in bed. She was then asked if she was wearing any knickers and if she was in bed with another man. Cute. Ahem.

3) The kids are split into groups. One group are called the 'Turtles'. I was down on the lesson plan to work with that group and at the start of the lesson the teacher asked me, "Are you turtling?" I very nearly was after that comment!

Roll on half term! x

I had fun in Morecambe!

2006-10-08T01:38:00.000Z

Oh my God, Alan Carr was soooo funny! He was on at the Platform in Morecambe tonight. We tried to convince him to come for a curry with us afterwards but I think 'Taggart' scared him off! I got the funniest picture of Alan Carr running away from Kit and Gail. In fact, it is so good that I think I should hold a caption competition.... suggestions on a postcard please. Or you could just leave a comment. Whatever. There was a fair bit of heckling going on - mainly from our group (well, Kit to be more specific)!

I had face ache from laughing by the end of the show. When he started the show by saying 'Can someone turn the microphone down a bit please, it's making me sound camp', I knew it was gonna be a belter! His support act was proper funny too. He was talking about his OCD and said that he had to have his cutlery draw organised in the following order: forks, spoons, knives and then teaspoons, because that was the order you lay the table in. This caused me to realise that I have yet another weird little OCD habbit too! My cutlery draw has to be arranged in knife, fork, spoon, teaspoon order, beacuse that is the natural order you list cutlery in. Oh good, so it turns out I am in fact completely nuts. I take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone though. I now know at least three other people who can't eat with odd cutlery. Maybe I should start a club. Hmmmmmm. Maybe.

Anyhoo, I think I need to sleep now. I really must go to bed. I must also stop drunk blogging, but that is another issue for another time. Goddamit, even Jeremy Kyle couldn't help me! I'll finish with the quote of the evening, which came from an usher at the Platform. She shouted across the room after the show had ended, 'It's easiest from behind'. It wasn't even intentionally rude. Give that lady a medal! Also, thanks to all for a cracking night and to Gail for organising it! xxxxx

Pukey Birthday

2006-10-07T17:26:00.000Z

Happy Birthday Puke! Next year, for God's sake, don't have your birthday meal at Bistro Gerry! It was a very very funny night and there was much vodka involved. It was ace to see all the family and catch up with everyone. The food was poo though. They tried to charge me £13.50 for a plate of mushy veg due to the fact that the chef had to use 'a lot of pans' to make my meal. As if! They also slapped a £20 service charge onto the bill and the waitress was a right miserable cow. Needless to say, I didn't pay full price for my meal and we didn't pay the service charge either. Tiggis next time, me thinks! It's right across the road, the food is yum and there's usually at leats one hot waiter! Would I go back to Bistro Gerry? Yes, but I'd have to order two meals: one for me and one for the guy holding the gun to my head! (Jenny and Kassra, I know you know!)

On a more serious note, my fish is poorly. Boo hoo hoo! I think he has dropsy. He is all puffed up and his scales are standing on end. He looks so chubby and sad. I think he'll be ok though, he just needs antibiotics. Get well soon Ebo xxx

Paintball fun

2006-10-01T20:39:00.000Z

I went along to the 'walk on' day at Frontline Paintball today to take photos for Matt and his mates. I actually had pretty good fun too. I might go next time and take a gun though, as getting shot in the bap and not being able to shoot back sucked! I took a lotta lotta photos: some good, some not so good. Matt was chuffed with them though and that'll do for me!

Chavalicious

2006-09-30T08:37:00.000Z

What's with the gold clowns? They are so yak! The woman in The Beer Store a gigantic one with a sovereign built into the middle. Now that's chavalicious!

Whilst we're on the topic of jewellery, it never ceases to amaze me how I manage to take all my jewellery off before going to bed in a drunken state. Don't get me wrong, I'm no jippo and there are certainly no gold clowns in sight, however, I do love my jewellery. Preferably sparkly stuff. Good thing I work in the best jewellery shop in town then, eh?

Dear BT

2006-09-30T04:49:00.000Z

Dear BT,

I hate you. Why is it always at that crucial moment that you decide to switch my internet off? If I want to post drunken messages on people's blogs at 5am you should really let me and not cut me off for nearly an hour. That's just mean. Varman, stop leaving me answering machine messages telling me who you are and fix my goddam t'internet! If I have to see the messages 'action cancelled' or 'cannot display page' ever again there will be some serious hoof stomping done.

So there. With knobs on top.

Unkind regards,

Angry customer

Druuuuuunk

2006-09-30T03:42:00.000Z

I have to stop drunk blogging. I'm going to say something I regret, or accidentally post a badly punctuated blog. I would never forgive myself. Not never ever. I've had soo much fun tonight though. I thought I was just going out to the pub for a couple but some of my mates managed to get me spare VIP tickets to the opening of the Sugarhouse. The 19 year old lad I was talking to at the bar made me a bit sick. How dare he be so goddam young. But hey, I showed him I'm 'down with the kids' by nearly dancing my ass off with the girlies from college (I say nearly, as my ass is considerably larger than it used to be and it would take a little longer to dance off these days!) Anyhoo, I saw lots of lovely people I hadn't seen for a while and wasn't expecting to see and had a pretty wicked evening all in all. I'm not dnruk though, not one little bit! S o that's ok. Bed. Now. If only I could make my legs do what my head is telling them to. Dammit. Dammit a little more.

TTFN xxx

Cat for a hat

2006-09-26T21:30:00.000Z

She waits until I'm asleep and then pushes my head along the pillow so she can have more room. What with her nicking my pillow, and Matt sprawling over both sides of the bed, it is a wonder I get any sleep! I wouldn't change it for the world though....I'm far too soft!

I haven't done anything wierd in my sleep this week. There's time yet though!

It's all about the birthdays!

2006-09-25T18:49:00.000Z

Happy 24th birthday Lee, you old bugger! We had a lovely meal at the 'all you can eat' Chinese and a drink in Reds. Look at Lee sipping his manly drink!

We also talked about the fact that neither of us are on first name terms with anyone who has ever eaten a pickled egg. Are you one of those people?

Also, thanks for mocking my duck walk! You meany!

Hippety hoppety, not so much

2006-09-24T17:38:00.000Z

Happy first birthday to Ellie Roo! She looked soo cute in her little pink fairy outfit. We had an ace party with lots of yummy food (thanks Mary!) and a vegan cake. Hurrah for cake!

Last night was awesome. I don't feel rough today either: I can hardly walk though! I look like a waddling duck. Yeah, I'm cool. I am currently sitting with my feet in a foot spa. I think I may be driving to college tomorrow! No way am I trecking up that hill with my current duck walk! I'd have to be quackers!

P.S. Last night in my sleep I apparently laughed really loudly and then stuck my hand in the air waved for about a minute. Oh good.

Hippety hoppety

2006-09-24T02:24:00.000Z

Hop Swing and a Jump - Traffic Jam

I don't feel like dancing.... oh, ok then! I have been out dancing in Revs tonight, like really dancing! My ankles are battered, though, after 3 hours of Lindyhopping and 6 hours of PE at college this week (obviously, I wasn't lindyhopping in Revs!). Lindhopping was sooo much fun. I only wish I was as good as the people in this video! Give it a while! Do you think coordination can be learnt? I really hope so, as I am a teeny tiny bit clumsy!

I wish that I'd never said...

2006-09-23T14:02:00.000Z

I wish I'd never said, "Cheer up, goth!"

They did, and now they have all turned into emos and are much happier and much louder. Lancaster is over run by them. Well them, and all the pigeons!

Q. How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Who cares! Let them cry in the dark!

Don't torture naughty Catherine

2006-09-22T11:29:00.000Z

I've been doing some strange things in my sleep this week. On Tuesday night I lifted my arms in the air and shouted 'Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee'. On Wednesday night Shnarf was padding my pillow with her claws. I drempt that she was a German cat and that this was a recognised German feline form of communication so it would be wrong of me to be angry with her! Last night won the wired prize though. At about 3am I woke Matt up by bunny punching him in the face and saying 'don't torture naughty Catherine'. I am seriously messed up in the head!

Odd

2006-09-20T22:11:00.000Z

Natalie Dee may not care, but I do!

We have no bananas today

2006-09-14T18:53:00.000Z

What is it with this city? You can't buy bananas or beetroot before 7.30 in the morning. You can, however, buy chips. Why, Jeffery, why?

I could not be more confused!

2006-09-12T18:44:00.000Z

Why would you leave your trainers in an alleyway? Is someone playing tricks on me? Surely you'd notice that you'd left your shoes behind. Saying that, you do see random shoes on the roadside. It's all very confusing!

The back passage drama continues....

2006-09-10T18:19:00.000Z

On Friday there was a small brown envelope in the alleyway with 'Catherine' written on it. I was hoping for lots of money. Alas, it was empty. What's that all about?

I may have found the person responsible for the assorted items that I found there the other day. I'm not convinced though!

Hmmmm, it's times like this that I wish I had a beard to stroke whilst musing over such mysteries.

Strange things I found in my back passage

2006-09-03T20:10:00.000Z

What is it with people leaving weird things in my alleyway? Today there was a pretty arrangement of crap:

an empty packet of fags
a broken pen lid
a phone card
a pen torch
a leaflet entitled, 'Are you good enough to go to Heaven?'

Why, God, why? I guess I should just be thankful that there were no dead rabbits!

What a Vue!

2006-08-28T20:21:00.000Z

Happy 18th Burpday to my other big little brother, David! I can't tell you how peeved I am to now be the smallest in the family. Ciaran Mackenzie, take heed: I will break those little legs of yours if you get taller than me. You have been warned. You'd better take up steroids, or start smoking. I believe they both stunt your growth! (Clearly I'm kidding, Ciaran!)

It has been another amazing weekend in Lancaster. The council organised a festival. It was no Glastonbury, but it was free and pretty cool. They've had comedians, stuntmen and live bands in Market Square all weekend. Also, a new 6 screen Vue cinema opened right in the middle of town. It takes about a minute to walk there from my flat and they have been giving out free popcorn all weekend! What a happy bunny I have been. Could life get any better? I am sooo looking forward to 'Talledega Nights' too. It has got Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G) in it. You gotta love Will Ferrell.... and scotch. I like scotch, scotchy scotch scotch!

More on the dead rabbit saga

2006-08-24T21:42:00.000Z

Today a little more of the dead rabbit mystery unravelled itself. There is a butcher's shop that backs onto the end of my street. This morning I saw two young farm lads hop out of a pick up truck and carry two crates of dead rabbits into the back of the shop. I hadn't even realised they sold rabbit in there. It's not really somewhere I go often! So, that explains the mystery a little, although I'm still not sure exactly why they would leave two bags of dead rabbits in an alley way. I did really want to ask them but was a bit scared they'd throw dead rabbit at me.

In other news, this morning they started digging up my street at 7.30. How very dare they! They would pick the only morning I get to have a lie in this week. Ya boo sucks to them. I'm sure there are laws about that sort of thing. It's normally such a pretty street and it looks ugly now. I hope they finish soon. I'm not even sure what they are doing. I consoled myself by eating toast in bed whilst watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and 'Will and Grace' on full volume. That showed them!

Finally, on a happier note, my friend Dave altered a picture of Schnarf to create.... [*fanfare*]... Danger Cat! How cool is that!?! Thanks Dave. Scharf loves it! I just hope she's not going to insist I buy her a cape now.

Fox in socks

2006-08-23T21:49:00.000Z

I feel like now is a good time to get everything out in the open. I might as well do it whilst this chapter of weirdness is open. Then we can close the book on this whole ugly business and move on to pastures greener and less freaky.

So, here goes. I also didn't use to beleive in foxes. I did, however, believe I was a fairy. I believed it so much that I even ate acorns, which I was led to believe were a staple part of a fairy's diet. I was sick. Then I realised I wasn't a fairy. You'll be glad to know that I have also since realised that foxes are in fact real animals. I still have my doubts about duck billed platypus though.

It's not just socks!

2006-08-21T11:00:00.000Z

Ok, so I might need to give some explanation as to the odd sock thing. I can't wear odd socks. That's not all though, I can't use cutlery that doesn't match either. If I have Skittles or Starburst (pretty much the only vegan sweeties I get) I have to take them all out of the packet and eat them until there is the same number of each colour left. Then I eat one of each colour in the reverse order of my favourites until there is only one left in my favourite colour. Strange, I know, but that's just the way it is. I can't be the only one with weird little habbits, can I?

Abduction of the strangest kind

2006-08-19T14:22:00.000Z

First things first: happy 22nd birthday to my lovely big little brother John! Man, that makes me feel old!

Second, can anyone explain this to me...

My house is full of lighters. They are all over the place. They may even be breeding. Neither me nor Matt have bought a lighter in about three years, yet they appear in my house like stealth ninjas at a sneaking conference.

On the flip side, where have all my teaspoons and socks gone? I had about 20 teaspoons and now I only have 3. I also have an entire bag of odd socks that once had partners, but now are lonely. One thing you should know about me is that I can't wear odd socks. It freaks me out and makes me feel uneasy. Don't ask for an explanation. Anyhoo, this bag of little lost socks are pointless and wish to know where their friends have gone. Were they abducted by the teaspoons? Maybe the lighters are working with the teaspoons in an evil plot. Whilst the new lighter creates a diversion, the teaspoon sneaks out of the front door taking with it as many odd socks as it can. Or maybe the socks are to blame. Hhhmmmmm..... confusing.

Wakey wakey

2006-08-16T19:22:00.000Z

Three ways I have been woken up this week:

1) naughty kitty biting my toes

2) naughty kitty licking my face

3) naughty kitty scratching my nose

Thanks for that naughty kitty. As if it isn't bad enough having to share my pillow with you!

I needed some space

2006-08-14T20:38:00.000Z

I got myself a space at 'myspace'. As I have decided to use it as my screen name, now seems like a good time to explain the 'Lemon Catherine' thing. When I was about 3 my favourite colour was yellow, lemon yellow in particular. As a result I decided to start calling myself and every single one of my teddies Lemon Catherine'. Imagine my joy when my Mum retold this story to the 9 other peolple I shared a corridor with in halls at uni. Thanks Mum. So, rather than trying to convince the earth to open up and swallow me I have decided to hop on the lemon wagon and embrace the name. Hi, my name is Catherine, Lemon Catherine. At least it's not Ethel.

Dead rabbit day

2006-08-10T12:27:00.000Z

There are two bags of dead rabbits in the alleyway at the end of my road. Why? Why would anyone feel the need to leave dead rabbits lying around? Weirdos. That's all folks....

BA Baracus

2006-07-20T08:38:00.000Z

Ok, so it's nothing to do with BA Baracus, but I am now Catherine Stewart, BA Hons. Yeah baby! I had to wear the silly hat and gown in the sweltering heat on Tuesday. We all had to line up for a group photo. It took nearly half an hour and by the end of it I had pretty much melted all over the platform. The good news is that I didn't fall off the stage when I went up to shake the chancellor dude's hand. I also got all-you-can-eat Chinese bought for me and some lovely presents. It was worth the three years of studying just for the three pairs of sparkly shoes! You can just see the pink pair in the picture. The evening was pretty fun too... I won't deny that I had a glass of wine or three and ended up in Hussle. I deffinitely didn't sing on the way home though. Or did I? Hmmm....

Thanks to all who helped make the day so fab xxx

Wonderful Wales

2006-07-18T15:50:00.000Z

We had a fab weekend in Wales. The weather was scorchio. It was so ace that we went in the sea both days and spent almost the entire time on the beach. Unfortunately, Matt doesn't cope well with the sun and has ended up looking like a lobster wearing white shorts. This was in spite of the lashings of suncream. Poor Matt! I went mostly brown, except I do have 9 strpies of varying shades across my chest.... awesome! The dot you can see in the sea is me. It was pretty cold in the water... it didn't seem to bother the jelly fish though!

Mein hamster ist nicht geborsten

2006-07-09T15:14:00.000Z

First, RIP Boo Bigsalot, hamster, friend, entertainer of cats. He sadly died yesterday and was burried at sea today. Boo hoo hoo. He was so cute...walkin' around, no shoes, eatin' his poos. He will be missed by all. Especially Shnarf.

Second, this sad event prompted a rather funny discovery. It has always amused me that pretty much the only thing I could remember from German lessons at school was 'mein hamster ist geborsten', meaning my hamster is dead. It was only when I checked in a translator how to spell 'geborsten' that I found out that it really means 'burst' and not 'dead' after all. I have actually remembered how to say 'my hamster is burst'. Well done me! I've even repeated it to German people. It explains the baffled responses I guess. What a spanner I am. In actaul fact...mein hamster ist nicht geborsten. Mein hamster ist tot.

Tschuess xxx

I was in a coma

2006-07-06T18:51:00.000Z

Ok, so that's a lie. I have wished I was in a coma a few times the amount of stress BT has caused me. My internet has not been working for over a month. It is sort of working now but is still slow and temperamental. I'm jumping ship and joining the AOL crew. Anyway, it hasn't been too bad not having t'interweb not up and running as I've been too bust to notice. Plus, with this heat it'd be a shame to be stuck indoors. I did consider getting a guest blogger but I'd have been gutted if they were funnier/more interesting/less chinchilla like than me. I've done so much in the last month that you'd get bored if I told you it all at once. I'll try and spread all the news over a few days.

First, I got a 2:1 at uni. Hoorah! My graduation is a week on Tuesday and I'm a bit scared I'll fall off the stage on the day. Ah well, worse things could happen. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure they could. Thanks to my lovely friend Jane for the card she dropped off at work for me.... how cute is that!

Second, man safari parks rock! Matty, myself and Tellulah (the car) all went a few weeks ago. More on that tomorrow though. My big little brother has just arrived and we're off t'pub. Cocktails are calling for me....... toodles xxxx

Who said 'I want' doesn't get?

2006-06-01T10:00:00.000Z

Check me out: I'm riding a big pink chopper! It is the best bike in the whole world, even though it did really hurt my bum for the first two days of riding it. I've got used to it now though.

Also, check out my awesome hat! A big thanks to Matt for buying it for me. I reckon it goes pretty well with the bike.

I bought the bike last week but it came flat packed and I couldn't get it to go together right. I took it down to Halfords and the nice man spent about an hour and a half fixing it and didn't even charge me. He was well kind!

I had my last exam yeserday so I am done with my degree now. I get to spend all summer chilling and riding my bike before starting the next course in September. Hoorah for summer xxx

Boo!

2006-05-29T20:23:00.000Z

Hiya,

Long time no write....ooops! I've had two of my exams now and have only one left to go now. Yey! Roll on Wednesday. I'm gona get so drunk that I may even be sick on myself a little bit. Someone has puked in the alley next to my house and it looks like vimto and rice. My favourite!

Anyway, that's slightly off topic. Happy birthday to the lovely Jenny, who turns 22 today. The picture on the left is the picture of her from the card I made for her. I just left her an answering machine message of me and Matt singing 'Happy Birthday' down the phone. I doubt it will be the best present she gets, but I think she'll be moved by it. She went to see Take That at the weekend. I'm hoping their singing was better than ours. I am so jealous! She better not be having Mark Owen's babies!

It's been mine and Matt's 5th anniversay this weekend and it's been ace. We went up to Kendal today, for a random drive around the countryside and then went out for tea to The Sultan. I had my first Madras, and man it was hot! Matt bought me a wicked pink straw hat. It is well ace!

Finally, congratulations to baby Ellie, who crawled for the first time last week. You'd better watch out Ciaran, she'll be up and running and chasing you before you know it!

Next time I blog I will have finished my degree. How scary is that!?! Ta ra xxx

Dear Cat...

2006-05-11T20:11:00.000Z

Dear Cat,

It has been 10 days now. Enough is enough: I'm going to have to move you on. I was kind enough to let you sleep on the bed, but I draw the line at sharing the pillow with you. I have been very patient with you but I am sick of waking up with two paws full of claws stuck in my forehead for daring to move in my own bed.

I bought you a bed. I even put a nice little blanket in it for you. What's with your reverse snobbery? It's just like all the toys we bought you that you never play with. You'd rather play with a cork or a bit of tinfoil.

As if that wasn't bad enough, you are now stopping me from doing my revision. It has to stop.

Why are you being so mean to me?
I am hurt.
A plague o' both your funny little eyebrows!

Yours Hatefully,

The hand that feeds you x

Ha Ha, not so much

2006-05-04T14:01:00.000Z

Sorry for my blog-slacking. There is plenty going on at the moment, but not much that is very entertaining or that I can really write about. Here are a few things though:

1) Apparently, Tenacious Lee is not the only one who was puzzled by 'chinny reckon'. Maybe it is just a Northern thing? Anyhoo, it is in the Urban Dictionary, so you can check that I haven't just made it up.

2) Happy Star Wars Day: May the Fourth be with you (...and also with you).

3) My little brother gave my mum's cat sleeping tablets. That may be taking animal testing a bit too far

4) My first exam is two weeks today and I am so not ready yet!

5) My cat has commandeered my pillow. Not only do I have to fight for bed space and duvet coverage, I now have a battle for pillow space too. I wish I was a bat. Bats don't have these problems. Lucky bats.

A Fun Game for All

2006-04-27T00:23:00.000Z

This kept me sntertained for hours! Think of a couple and swap the first syllable, or just the first letter, of each name around.

Me (Catherine) and Matthew = Catthew and Matherine

Jenny and Alby = Alny and Jenby

Hannah and Peter = Pennah and Hater

Pam and Doug = Dam and Poug

However, this one wins the medal:

My cousin Bridgit and her boyfriend, Dave = Didgit and Brave

Think you can beat it? Chinny Reckon! xxx

As Cunning as a Kitten

2006-04-24T18:37:00.000Z

My cats are bad. Clever, but bad. Overnight they have pulled a pouch of cat food out of the box and gnawed their little kitty way to the meat. Rascal tried to hide the evidence and Shnarf just acted innocent. I don't know which one of them to blame and now they are both pretending that they can't talk.

As if that wasn't bad enough, a bunch of young townies just tried to kick our next door neighbours' front door in. The neighbours, who just happen to be Matt's cousin and her boyfriend, couldn't get out of their house because all the kicking had broken the Yale lock. Since Christmas the downstairs window has been smashed, two cars have been broken into, two cars have been dented by being jumped on, one car door handle has been snapped off and this is the second time that the doors have taken a good kicking. If we had CCTV, like the other inner city streets, I don't think we'd get so much trouble. Hmmm, I feel a strongly worded letter may be needed! (*sound of scraping as the soap box is dragged out from underneath the desk*)

Ele-fight

2006-04-21T09:00:00.000Z

Something has been puzzling me for a few weeks now. Who would win in a fight: one elephant sized duck or twenty duck sized elephants?

Microsoft Works: My favourite oxymoron

2006-04-20T13:42:00.000Z

I'll tell you who's an oxyMORON: Bill Gates. I bloody have the grammar and spell checker on Microsoft. It wants me to write stupid things. I'm writing an essay at the moment and I wrote that 'the world can see our pages'. Grammar check says that I am wrong. It wants me to write that 'the world can sees our pages'.

Do you have a degree in English Language, Billy Boy? I thought not. Now sod off with your red and green pens and leave me to write me essay.

Alcohol, Cigarettes and Roller Blading

2006-04-19T20:46:00.000Z

This week I have mainly been obsessed with drinking. I haven't really had any cigarettes (for 5 months now!) or done any roller blading: just loving the Father Ted references this week. Really? Nooooooooooooooo!

I got my student loan on Thursday and of course it was a long bank holiday weekend. It would have been rude not to have gone out and got absoulutely hammered for three nights running. It was all fun and games until I woke up on Saturday, still pissed out of my face, and tried to slice frozen bagels for my breakfast with a huge knife and chopped right into my finger. Whoops! It was one of those stupid moments that could have easily been avoided if only I owned my own brain. I'm telling you, time share is all well and good for holiday houses. When it come to brains, however, I suggest you put in that extra investment and fork out for one of your own.

p.s. Mary, please can I have use of the brain on Friday, Monday and Wednesday?

Bad news on the 'woot' front

2006-04-12T22:54:00.000Z

My friend Jenny and I (well done) have been discussing whether or not 'woot' is a word. There was speculation that he was using this word as a joke as none of us had heard it before. Alas, I am having to admit defeat in the word war. To be fair, I haven't heard it before because it is slang that has come from computer hackers and online gamers. Damn you computer hackers. As if it isn't bad enough that you invade our privacy, you then go and invent words without telling the rest of the world about it. Just you wait. I'll have the last laugh when the Repetitive Strain Injury kicks in. Oh yes I w w w w w will. This link takes you to an urban dictionary definition of the word.

Woot and out xxx

Midgets and Unicorns

2006-04-10T08:53:00.000Z

Well, I've had another fun and eventful week. I really should have done more uni work, and I should be doing some now, but hey... I had fun. After all, isn't fun what is really important? Isn't it what will get me my degree? No? Really? Shame. Anyhoo, my friend Jen came to stay on Wednesday. It was so ace to catch up with her and have a few days/nights of nattering and drinking wine-a-plenty. We met up with some uni friends, Mike and Charlie, did some shopping, ate a lot, and donated a pint of blood each. To be fair, that wasn't the most fun part of her stay but it didn't actually hurt. I really only went for the free biscuits. I was also told that there would be crisps. There were not. I feel a strongly worded letter may be in order.

On Sunday, I went out for the day with my lovely sister and her children, Ciaran and Ellie. We went to an ace play area/cafe in Manchester and she kindly bought me lunch (number one way to win brownie points with me). We also went to an amazing health food super market. Mmmmm, fooood. After this, we all went for Sunday dinner to my mum's. I got to eat roast potatoes and didn't even have to cook. Woo hoo!

Anyway, I think that is enough of my rambling for now. Back to the grind stone..... xxxxxxx

More things that I want...

2006-04-09T20:20:00.000Z

1) an aardvark named Keith
2) three peeled grapes
3) a small Amish boy called Yishmak
4) a hula hula dance

NB. I would accept an aardvark of any other name, as long as he would be prepared to change his name by deed pole

Pink Chopper

2006-04-05T10:21:00.000Z

I want a pink chopper!

No, I am not dead

2006-04-04T13:56:00.000Z

Forgive me blogfans, for it has been 15 days since I last blogged.

Hello to you! I am still alive! I just haven't blogged for a while. I don't really know if anyone noticed the absence of updates as I am not really sure if anyone reads this. Anyhoo, lots to tell you!

First, p:{{{{{{Oaszc xvvvvvvvvvvvv
That was the news according to Shnarf, who just jumped about on the keyboard!

My most exciting news is that I got into St. Martin's College to do teacher training. Woo hoo! I well didn't think I'd get in as there is tough competition for places. I start in September, so this time next year I will almost be a fully fledged teacher. Hmmm, I may need to buy a courdroy jacket and sew some faux leather patches on the elbows to mark the occasion. It is a bit shocking that they are going to let me teach kids. I'm totally nuts and a little manic. What the hey, at least I know how to punctuate!

I have also been on holiday to since we last spoke. Myself, Matty, the two cats and the hamster all took a lovely trip to sunny Llandudno. We had an awesome time! We spent lots of time just chilling out at the holiday house we stayed in because it was so lovely. It had a dead nice garden and a conservatory and everything you could ask for! The cats had lots of fun in the garden too! We also had a few cool days out. We went shopping in Chester and went to the Welsh Mountain Zoo. It was so ace there. I have been about five times before but it is still exciting everytime. I liked the guinea pigs the best. I even sung the 'Guinea Pig Song' to them. Yeah, I'm cool! Matt tried to disown me and run away. I foiled his plans by shouting loudly after him. Mwah ha hah!

Matt's favourite bit of the holiday, other than looking at the monkeys, was our trip down Llechwedd Slate Caverns. It was well cool! We got to wear blue helmets and evrything. Yes, before you ponder over it, I did crack a joke about polishing helmets. Some things never change. We were dead sad to come home on Saturday. Our flat seems yuccy now and I miss the garden. Boo hoo hoo.

The good news is that my lovely friend, Little Jen, from Uni (who graduated and is now doing teacher training in Norwich) is coming to stay for a few days. Hoorah! I so can't wait to see her. It's always ace to catch up and we are never short of things to natter about. The problem will be trying to shut us up. Hoorah some more!

Toodles xxx

Miaow, I'm a kitty cat

2006-03-15T17:14:00.000Z

When I went up to bed after the last post, having been away for the weekend, I found this little message on the noticeboard. I know it is a bit gay, but it is sooo cute! Matt assures me it was all the cats' idea and he had nothing to do with it. Bless! Shnarf is such a knob. Everytime we turn the lights off to go to sleep she decides that it is time to play noisy games or run up and down the stairs repeatedly. Last night was no different. Shnarf has an obsission with bags (which Matt blames me for) and there is a big paper bag full of clothes that I can no longer fit into (having put on a stone and a half since giving up smoking) next to my wardrobe. So, we turn the lights off and are just drifing off when there is a huge ripping sound, followed by a really bizarre miaow and then the sound of rustling. We turned the lights on to find Shnarf lying on the floor with one of the handles wrapped round her belly and a large piece of paper bag attached to it. Daft bugger! She must have got stuck and spooked herslef out. It is a good job she had left me such a cute note - otherwise I might have been annoyed at her!

Never a dull moment xxx

Ooo, I forgot

2006-03-12T22:07:00.000Z

I also meant to say how fab my boyfriend is. Just as I was publishing the last post he appeared with chocolate cake for me. Man, does he know how to make a girl happy. Bless him. Also, whilst I was away he has washed all the pots and made the kitchen spingly spangly. Not only that, he has also tidied the front room. How lucky am I? He's such a cutie pie.

Right, now I really do have to go. This cake is staring at me and I don't want to get cakey fingerprints on the laptop xxxxxx

Girls Rock!

2006-03-12T21:52:00.000Z

Girls are way cool. Well, the ones I was at a party with this weekend were. Lots of girls are psychos so it is fab to be in a room full of girls who are all funny, intelligent, interesting and not hanus bitches. I had such a wicked time. I did get pretty drunk. I thought I was ok this morning when I got up. It was when I walked into the wall that I realised that maybe I wasn't. I remember singing 'Happy Birthday' to my lovely sister after sucking in half a balloon of helium. She cried with laughter.

Today I played in the snow with Mary, Ellie, Ciaran and David. It was like being kids again. I have had such a wicked weekend. It makes up for the last one. We went up the pits where we used to sledge as kids and the snow was a good few feet deep. Awesome! I had a really good time with my little brother as well. It is the most time I've spent with him for ages.

By the way, the aforementioned lovely sister was sooo cute. I got an unexpected parcel from Amazon and it was a giftwrapped vegan cookbook for me. How cute is that? She is so kind and didn't latch on to me once whilst sharing a bed with me. I am so proud of her! There was no occasion to make her buy me the book, she said it was just for being me and liking cake. See, and they all told me that liking cake would get me nowhere in life. Look who's laughing now!

Mmmm, cake. I gotta go.

2006-03-09T01:37:00.000Z

Ok, I know I just posted but I just wanted to say happy birthday to my special sister (and I dont mean 'special' in the Pear Tree kinda way). She is so fab and I am very lucky to have her. She is the best sister and friend a girl could ask for and I love her even more than I love cake. Man do I love the cake!

On a slightly different note, I would like to offer my condolences to my boyfriend's dearly departed hair. Look what he made me do to him! Do you remember Kevin Simm from 'Liberty X'? Hmmm, he appears to be lying right next to me!

Interview obsession

2006-03-09T01:14:00.000Z

This week I have mainly been obsessing about my PGCE interview, which happened today. There are only a handfull of places left and there were at least 30 people at the interview. I had a literacy test, a group interview and an individual interview. I think it all went well but I have to wait 7-10 days to find out the result. That gives me plenty more time to obsess over it and disect the interview bit by bit. Great. Also, I was the only one not wearing black or grey suits. I tried to put mine on this morning but it wouldn't zip up over my brand new fat ass (I have put on a stone and a half since giving up smoking in November). The picture is of what I wore today. Ah well, at least they might remember me for being colouful!

I have also been obsessing over the party I went to at the weekend. It would have gone so well, had my boyfriend's brother's mate not brought along a guy who turned out to have already robbed the host twice and fallen out quite spectacularly with him. We told him it wasn't a good idea if he hadn't been invited. You ever tried reasoning with drunk people? Not so sucessful! We felt very bad for it, despite it not being our fault. I don't think anyone at the party was too happy about it either. I hope it doesn't cost us a friendship.

Miss, Miss! It's snowing Miss!

2006-03-03T17:13:00.000Z

I was doing some work experience at a little countryside school today. It snowed on and off all day. It was nice being in a room full of other people (little people, albeit) that get really over excited at the first sight of snow.

On a slightly diffeent note, my boyfriend has a big porn star moustache at the moment (handlebar style). It is so gay. I told him he looked like Earl, from the show "My Name is Earl", and he took it as a compliment. Our survey says.... eh eh!

Old, or just obsessive?

2006-03-02T18:30:00.000Z

Ok, so today in my Language and Media module we were talking about the language of text messages. My lecturer said that only old people punctuate their text messages and that this shows thay are not 'down with the kids'. Surely, I am not the only young(ish) person who can't bear to send a message without the appropriate punctuation! I even get upset when my boyfriend sends unpunctuated messages from my phone, just in case the reader thinks I have written it.

Today I handed in my bound copy of my dissertation. I would sing with joy, however, it would upset the cats. Oh, and probably the neighbours. Which reminds me, I work in the shop underneath the next door neighbours's flat (convenient) and she came in last week to tell me that she can always tell when I am working thanks to the manic high-volume laughter. Ooops! I like to laugh: get over it!

I am now going to go and stuff myself silly with all you can eat chinese and then get drunk off two glasses of wine. Have I always been this cool? xxxx

Laff-arama

2006-03-01T23:40:00.000Z

Ha, there is a Russian ice skater called Irina Slutskaya

Just thought you ought to know!